A History of Misery: The New York Mets

Baseball season is right around the corner. Opening Day has always been an exciting time for fans of all Major League Baseball teams, except for the Mets of course. What is it about the Mets that make them so pitiful? For what reason do they have to come so close to achieving their goals and then only fail in a spectacular fashion? If you’re a Mets fan like I am, you’re probably asking yourself these questions, along with “Why are they doing this?”, “Can’t they just forfeit the season?”, and “Who the hell is Brad Emaus?”

Well it’s turned out there’s a little known fact that not many people are aware of: Every year since their inception in 1962, the New York Mets have actually completed each season. I know this sounds mind-blowing, but if you do your research it’s accurate. The New York Mets have actually played 162 games, every season. 

Really, every season.

Why? Why would they do that? They suck!

If you are still in disbelief, I have outlined the Mets most notable failures in their existence.

1962-1968: Remember in the late-90’s up until the mid-2000’s when the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (yes, Devil Rays) were by far the most humiliating team in baseball? The same could be said for the Mets during the 1960’s. In fact, in their inaugural season in 1962, the Mets lost 120 games – the most losses by any major league since the 1800’s.

Like this stupid hat, the Mets were also very stupid.

1969: The Mets finished in first place in the NL East, winning 100 games and went on to beat the Baltimore Orioles in the World Series. Physicists, astrologists, time-decoders, along with religious leaders across the globe are still baffled by this true scientific anomaly.

Almost like, "Dewey Defeats Truman", only unbelievably true.

 

1972: Nolan Ryan is traded from the Mets to the Los Angeles Angels. He spends the rest of his career being one of the best pitchers of all time and beating the shit out of Robin Ventura.

1973: The Mets reached the World Series once again because all the other teams in the National League decided to spend the entire summer at Bear Country in Disneyland, which had just opened the previous year. In what would soon become a common theme to Mets fans, they lost the series one game away from beating the Oakland A’s.

Worth missing an entire MLB season.

1977: The Mets traded their ace pitcher and franchise icon, Tom Seaver to the Cincinatti Reds for 200 kilos of cocaine.

Probably had something to do with this guy.

1986: In another unexplained mystery, the New York Mets are the best team in baseball with a 108-54 record. They went on to beat the Boston Red Sox in the World Series, only because some dick couldn’t field a routine ground ball to first base.

Also,  unbelievably true.

1988: The Los Angeles Dodgers defeat the New York Mets in the National League Championship Series. Many attributed this victory to Dodger’s aces Orel Hershiser and the RoboCop.

He had a really great fastball.

1990s: Some things happened during the 90’s. They had some good players. I think. I dunno. All I can remember is John Olerud wearing that stupid helmet – all the time.

Seriously, why?

2000: The Mets surprise the universe when they beat the New York Yankees in the World Series. It was truly a joyous day for Mets fans everywhere as… Oh wait a second – they lost! On the plus side, Mets fans now have a legitimate reason to hate the Yankees and Yankee fans.

... and a cool promotional logo.

 

2001: During the first professional sporting event to take place in New York after 9/11, Mike Piazza hits the game winning homer against the Atlanta Braves securing a 3-2 victory for the Mets. Immediately following the home run, Osama Bin Laden was captured and the U.S. won the War on Terror.

This is unfortunately not true.

2006-2010: Oh man! What great players! David Wright, Jose Reyes, and Carlos Beltran – they even picked up Johan Santana! There’s no way that they’d come close to making the playoffs every single year and then either fuck it up at the end of the season or have literally the worst bullpen in baseball history or even somehow let injuries ruin the team or anything like that. Things like that don’t happen to the Mets…

Misery.

So Mets fans, I hope you’re prepared for the misery again. Remember – the Mets must play. They have to. Even though they shouldn’t.