My Infamous Liaisons with Beautiful Celebrities: Part I
Not many people know this about me, but I’m tired of keeping this secret: I’ve had affairs with some of the most gorgeous women in the world. I know, I know, now it seems obvious. And if you find yourself asking, “Who are these beautiful women?” I’m about to tell you.
Rashida Jones
It was sometime during 2006 when I was a writer and a consulting producer for the U.S. version of “The Office”. The show had become a success due to my brash writing style and ingenious way to adapt the show for an American audience. The staff had begun filming Season 3 of the show, and I was introduced to the actress who would be playing Karen Filipelli, Rashida Jones.
“Brian, it’s such a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you from the rest of the staff. I’m really looking forward to putting your talent into action.” Rashida said.
“Oh you’re making me blush, Rashida.” I replied. “The pleasure is mine. You know it’s good to have a new female face to add to this wonderful cast.” [Around this time I had just ended a three month long volatile relationship with Jenna Fischer.]
“Ah thank you so much! It feels like I’ll really be appreciated here.” Rashida stated.
It was at that moment that I saw in her eyes the opportunity. I didn’t even need to ask.
“Listen… what are you doing later? I haven’t spoken much to anyone else here, and I feel like you and I would just… you know… get along.”
She made the move.
“Well I have a courtside ticket to the Lakers game, but I’m sure Kobe won’t mind if I take a rain check on this one. How about [insert name of fancy restaurant that escapes my mind right now]?”
Later that night.
“…and ever since then, I’ve been terrified of ants!” Rashida laughs as she sips on her fourth glass of merlot.
“Ah yes, ants.” I reply.
“Mhm.” Rashida swallows the rest of the wine. “So Brian, you have no idea how excited I am to work on The Office. I mean your writing is just… wow.”
“Oh stop. I mean I guess I am pretty good but, it’s just part of my work. Anybody can be a good writer.”
Rashida gazes at me while caressing her wine glass with her index finger.
“How about you teach me…” Rashida smiles and raises her eyebrow.
Even later that night.
Rashida and I are at my beachside LA house. It’s around midnight and she continues to drink merlot (straight out of the bottle) as I teach her the basic tenets of great writing.
“Okay so for example, we’re introducing a new character, Karen.”
“THAT’S ME!” Rashida interjects.
“Right and you know, at some point during the series a relationship is going to spark between your character and Jim.”
“Mmm.” Rashida mumbles and she takes another swig from the bottle.
“Yeah, you know, the writing staff is really looking forward to bringing some of the great aspects of the UK version into the American version. And I think that…”
“But I don’t wanna be in a relationship with Jim.” Rashida interrupts. “I want a relationship to spark between me… and… you.”
I was knocked straight to the floor as Rashida starts furiously making out with me. I pull aside, “You know, it’s just a TV show.” I tell her, while chuckling.
“Mmm. I don’t care.” Rashida with her eyes closed tight laughs and then locks her lips into mine again while pulling me closer.
Fade Out.
And as if paradise could last forever. After that night Rashida began to date her fictional love interest on "The Office", John Krasinski. Now you all know why her character was written off after Season 4…
Not many people know this about me, but I’m tired of keeping this secret: I’ve had affairs with some of the most gorgeous women in the world. I know, I know, now it seems obvious. And if you find yourself asking, “Who are these beautiful women?” I’m about to tell you.
Rashida Jones
Rashiiida!
It was sometime during 2006 when I was a writer and a consulting producer for the U.S. version of “The Office”. The show had become a success due to my brash writing style and ingenious way to adapt the show for an American audience. The staff had begun filming Season 3 of the show, and I was introduced to the actress who would be playing Karen Filipelli, Rashida Jones.
“Brian, it’s such a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you from the rest of the staff. I’m really looking forward to putting your talent into action.” Rashida said.
“Oh you’re making me blush, Rashida.” I replied. “The pleasure is mine. You know it’s good to have a new female face to add to this wonderful cast.” [Around this time I had just ended a three month long volatile relationship with Jenna Fischer.]
“Ah thank you so much! It feels like I’ll really be appreciated here.” Rashida stated.
It was at that moment that I saw in her eyes the opportunity. I didn’t even need to ask.
“Listen… what are you doing later? I haven’t spoken much to anyone else here, and I feel like you and I would just… you know… get along.”
She made the move.
“Well I have a courtside ticket to the Lakers game, but I’m sure Kobe won’t mind if I take a rain check on this one. How about [insert name of fancy restaurant that escapes my mind right now]?”
Oh, Rashiiida!
Later that night.
“…and ever since then, I’ve been terrified of ants!” Rashida laughs as she sips on her fourth glass of merlot.
“Ah yes, ants.” I reply.
“Mhm.” Rashida swallows the rest of the wine. “So Brian, you have no idea how excited I am to work on The Office. I mean your writing is just… wow.”
“Oh stop. I mean I guess I am pretty good but, it’s just part of my work. Anybody can be a good writer.”
Rashida gazes at me while caressing her wine glass with her index finger.
“How about you teach me…” Rashida smiles and raises her eyebrow.
YEAH RASHIDA!
Even later that night.
Rashida and I are at my beachside LA house. It’s around midnight and she continues to drink merlot (straight out of the bottle) as I teach her the basic tenets of great writing.
“Okay so for example, we’re introducing a new character, Karen.”
“THAT’S ME!” Rashida interjects.
“Right and you know, at some point during the series a relationship is going to spark between your character and Jim.”
“Mmm.” Rashida mumbles and she takes another swig from the bottle.
“Yeah, you know, the writing staff is really looking forward to bringing some of the great aspects of the UK version into the American version. And I think that…”
“But I don’t wanna be in a relationship with Jim.” Rashida interrupts. “I want a relationship to spark between me… and… you.”
I was knocked straight to the floor as Rashida starts furiously making out with me. I pull aside, “You know, it’s just a TV show.” I tell her, while chuckling.
“Mmm. I don’t care.” Rashida with her eyes closed tight laughs and then locks her lips into mine again while pulling me closer.
Fade Out.
And as if paradise could last forever. After that night Rashida began to date her fictional love interest on "The Office", John Krasinski. Now you all know why her character was written off after Season 4…
Cockblocked.
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