A minimal statement with a ton of punch. Nowadays people will exhaust all their thoughts just so to describe themselves. Some people find describing themselves difficult, other times people just suck.
Here are some things I hear frequently that are particularly irritating.
I'm a coffee addict!
My biggest problem with this statement is that it's already assumed. If you're a person - you drink coffee. Statistically, you probably drink it every day. I'm always surprised when I find out someone over 18 doesn't drink coffee.
We all understand the benefits of caffeine from coffee. The video below by the profound CPG Grey helps illustrate why coffee fucking rules.
Coffee. Coffee, Coffee, Coffee. It's delicious, gives you an instantaneous boost, and is widely available, accessible, and affordable. Because it's so important and ingrained in our society, drinking coffee is as much of a personality trait as wearing clothes and breathing oxygen.
The thing I hate is that when people say "I'm a coffee addict!" it's supposed to sound cute and quirky. It's not quirky. It can only be a quirk if it's weird and an unusual, and as I stated before, everyone drinks coffee.
Also don't say you're an "addict", okay? I know you think it's funny, but I guarantee there's some junkie out there loading up the syringe who wishes they had a coffee "addiction."
I listen to everything!
(inspired by Maddox in this awesome article all the way back in 2000, and also referenced frequently by writers/comedians all over the internet)
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| Such an excellent stock photo. |
Oh, you listen to everything? That's cool, I'm sure you won't have any problem with this Scandinavian black metal band. Their music is focused on Satan and it sounds like people dying, but I'm sure you'll like it because you listen to everything.
Nobody listens to everything. There's usually only two scenarios when people say this:
1) They actual think they listen to "everything" because they consider "everything" to be all they've ever heard which usually only consists of MTV bullshit and other top 40 crap. Sometimes a couple of indie bands will be thrown in this mix for good measure, but don't count on it. These people suck.
2) They say they listen to "everything" but only because they fear that people will judge them by their taste in music (really, who cares?) so they use this as a convenient cop-out instead of just discussing what they've been listening to lately.
So in essence there are two scenarios: 1) You have bad taste 2) You're too much of a coward to admit what you really like.
Grow some balls people. Just admit what you like. It's all garbage anyway.
I'm such a nerd!
(also inspired by Maddox and this spot-on Portlandia sketch)
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| Haha - No, you're not! |
The audacity that some people have when they refer to themselves as a "nerd."
As the video posted above states: real nerds are ashamed to be called nerds.
It's one thing to be into nerdy stuff and say "Oh, I'm such a Simpsons nerd." But to straight up call yourself a nerd does such an injustice to real nerds every where.
Most people who call themselves nerds are not and were never socially ostracized. Similar to being a "coffee addict" it's just another buzz phrase that shitty people with no personalities use to describe themselves.
Oh yeah it's so nerdy and so socially unacceptable that you watched an entire series on Netflix. You really must be such a nerd. I bet you face discrimination and social rejection at school and work. Oh yeah that's right you totally don't because you're a hot girl!
I'm spiritual!
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| Someone performing yoga.. or witchcraft? Who cares. |
Lots of young people nowadays will say that they're "spiritual" rather than "religious." It's a tired cliche and bad for so many reasons.
Really where this comes from is the undeniable fact that more and more young people are not religious.
The problem is, once again, fear. Many young people are too afraid to admit to their religious family members that they're not religious. It's another convenient cop-out that people use to get out of saying what they really mean. So instead of just saying "Yeah, I'm not religious." they'll say something more along the lines of "Yeah.. ya know.. I'm like more spiritual."
What they're really saying should be: "I'm afraid of you, my family, because your support means everything to me. Also I challenge myself intellectually and somewhat hope there's a heaven so I can go there when I die and I also hope there's a hell for all the people I hate to go to."
That'd have a whole lot more substance than "I'm spiritual, hehe :)" Speaking of people doing things just for their family...
I can't live without my friends and family!
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| These people disgust me. |
You love your friends and family? That's strange. I thought you must have despised them and wanted to see them tortured and imprisoned. In fact most people I talk to actually hate their friends and family with a passion.
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Of course you love your friends and family. And obviously I know there's tons of people with serious family issues who don't love their biological family, but in those cases those people usually consider their caregivers or good friends their real family anyway.
This is just another convenient way to say something with no real substance that you think describes you when in essence it just makes you like everybody else.
Also, why can't people disassociate themselves from their family and friends, even for a second? I have a great, supportive family and my friends are amazing and have always had my back. But at the end of the day, I'm my own person. I have autonomy over the decisions I make and how I live my life. My family and friends are beyond important; they mean the world to me. However, they aren't me. I'm my own person, and I like it that way. People need to stop using their family and friends as crutches for their own shallow, vapid lives.
Hi, I'm like totally addicted to coffee, I listen to everything as far as music (except country lol :) ), I'm such a nerd, I'm like really into spiritual stuff, and I just cannot live without my friends and family hehe
Congratulations! You're generic.
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