Potential Celebrity Baby Names

Today Beyonce gave birth to Jay-Z’s child. 

...why

 The child was named “Blue Ivy” which is interesting mostly because it’s fucking weird. Celebrities are known for naming their babies strange things. It’s like when a celebrity has a kid it’s a competition to see who can name their child the stupidest thing.  I was hoping that Jay-Z and Beyonce would drop this trend, but I was wrong. Since there are dozens of other celebrity couples out there about to have babies (probably) and therefore will be allowed to name them (unfortunately), I’ve compiled a list of what we can expect in the future.

 

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt 

in addition to Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, Knox, and Vivienne, we can also expect a few others…

Dadaby Lima Bean Pitt

Jemijkooh Felix-Kyle Pitt

Anus Pitt

 

Victoria and David Beckham

in addition to Brooklyn Joseph, Romeo James, Cruz David, and Harper Seven we can also expect…

Allison Soccer-BallHead Fernando Alejandro Beckham

Mincemeat Liverwurst Bernadette Nicholas Beckham

Victor Beckham

Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady

I really don’t understand where Gisele and Brady get off naming their only child something normal like “Benjamin”, what they should be naming their children are things like…

Asshat Brady

 

Faith Hill and Tim McGraw

apparently these people have a couple of kids. Too lazy to find out what their names are but they should be named…

Dirty McGraw

Fisty McGraw

Quick-Draw McGraw

 

Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale

On the right is an actual pregnant woman. On the left is an actual femine hygiene product.

the couple already has Kingston James McGregor Rossdale and Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale but why not introduce…

Truman Gooby-De-Gop Rossdale

Bleebop Blibbity Blop Rossdale

Goopy De-Dop-Skee-Boop Poop-Pa-Poop Rossdale

 

Heidi Klum and Seal

apparently this couple has a few children with incredibly ordinary German names like “Henry” and “Johan” -- Let’s switch it up a bit…

Grumpy Klum

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemburger Luger Klum

Walrus

 

Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin

this is the couple that named their child “Apple Blythe Alison Martin” so I was thinking of a similar theme

Orange You-Glad-I-Didn’t-Say-Banana Martin

Pomegranate Sweet Tits Martin

Steamy Williams

 

Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger 

this couple had a couple of kids and divorced years ago but if they ever had another kid it’d probably be named…

Shitfuck Pencil-Dick Johnson Baldwin