Celebrities and public figures can ruin headlines for a year. Here, ranked, are the worst.
10.) Ashton Kutcher
Ashton Kutcher has no talent. That's been pretty clear. But what you didn't know is that Ashton Kutcher is also a moron.
Kutcher made headlines this year for starring in commercials dressed in brownface. Yes, brownface is a term we are now using, because of this.
Look at that picture and realize that this wasn't for a movie, this wasn't for a telivision show, this was for a fucking potato chip commercial.
9.) LIPA
As someone from Long Island, I never thought that the rest of the country would know about LIPA - but here we are.
After Hurricane Sandy devastated the Mid-Atlantic, all of Long Island's power grid was in shambles.
Even with out-of-state-workers and FEMA to assist in fixing the damage, it still took LIPA weeks to pick up the pieces, as they failed to do an efficient job getting people back into the light.
Thanks assholes.
8.) Daniel Tosh
Daniel Tosh pissed off a whole bunch of people this year when he joked about a female audience member saying, "Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by, like, five guys right now?"
Comedians often get away with joking about rape. Sometimes its helpful for people to laugh about tragedies, or sometimes they can find the audience that appreciates dark humor.
But this wasn't dark humor. It was just Tosh kind of acting like a frat boy dick.
7.) Patrice Wilson
You may not know who Patrice Wilson is. That is a good thing. But you very likely know this song.
Yes, that hip hop dude from the "Friday" video struck back. And this time with "Thanksgiving."
What the hell is wrong with this guy? Who the hell wants to see music videos like this? Even children HATE it.
Patrice Wilson: if you somehow stumble upon this writing, PLEASE for the love of all things good, stop making music videos. They are horrendous, embarrassing, and will likely ruin these young girls' lives.
6.) Angus T. Jones
You know, every so often a famous child television star turns out to be a religious lunatic. So is the fate of Angus T. Jones.
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| Jon Cryer didn't make the top ten. |
I agree that "Two and a Half Men" is filth. Not for morals reasons, but because it sucks. And I would have no problem with Angus T. Jones saying this -- if he wasn't making over $300,000 per episode.
So Angus (who the hell names their kid "Angus" anyway?), you can redeem yourself. Get "Two and a Half Men" off the air and promise we will never hear from you again.
5.) Claire Danes
I don't really know anything about "Homeland"; I've never seen an episode nor do I care to. But it was wildly popular this year.
Claire Danes, who stars on "Homeland", has an annoying face. That's all. That's all I have to say about her. Her face annoys me.
4.) George Lucas
Okay, George Lucas is an asshole - we know this. But he fulfilled his mandate to join the asshole Hall of Fame by selling Star Wars to Disney.
What the fuck? Disney is not allowed to own Star Wars if they already own Marvel. That's a bunch of bullshit. Disney does not get to start a monopoly on all things that are cool. But Lucas is an ass for giving them the okay. It's like he doesn't even value any of our childhoods anymore.
I hate you George Lucas.
3.) Rick Santorum
Someone had to take the fall for the glorious failure of the United States Republican Party this year. Romney failed to take the White House but, thankfully we still had entertainment.
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| AMERICA! |
The fall guy has to be Rick Santorum. There is no one who greater represents the backward philosophy of the Republicans greater than Santorum when he is in all his glory.
These are some things he believes about: gay people, pornography, the environment, healthcare, birth control, and social security.
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| "I have no shame" - Rick Santorum, loser |
The people of Pennsylvania did the right thing in 2006 by giving this guy the boot, but his legacy will lie in his perverted judgement of social reality in 2012.
2.) The Kony 2012 Guy
I'm not talking about ruthless African warlord, Jospeh Kony. I'm talking about the guy who made the Kony 2012 video, Jason Russell.
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| ugh. |
We get it, you're into charity.
The best thing that happened to this guy was when he got caught jerking off in San Diego almost immediately after this video became popular. It was like God was watching from the heavens and was just like, "Man I kind of want to humiliate this guy."
1.) That one guy who yelled at me
Following Hurricane Sandy there was a gas shortage in New York.
I was making a right turn onto a main road in my town, when suddenly I realized I ended up on a mile long line for gas. This was not my intention; but as soon as I could signal to drive into the left lane, a maniac driver from behind started screaming at me.
"YOU CUT ME! YOU CUT ME! I WAS HERE FIRST" the moron shouted.
I assured him, as best as I could, that I intended to get off the line as I was on the line by accident.
He didn't stop screaming.
"I WAS HERE FIRST! I WAS HERE FIRST MOVE" he screamed while honking as many times as possible.
It wasn't until a police officer arrived quickly and allowed me to get cut into the left lane that I was free from his rage.
But why? I literally did nothing to this man. Why was getting gas quicker that much more important to him?
Then I realized that his man, this stupid fuck, is everything that is wrong with society. He yelled at me, because he thought he wasn't going to get what he wanted. He had no idea who I was, or what I was doing, or the fact that I was about to leave the line - he just screamed at me anyway.
This guy was a cry baby douche bag. There was no reason he had to yell at me because he thought he wasn't going to get gas as quickly as he thought he would. I hope this guy rots in hell.
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