The 5 Shittiest Hip-Hop Songs About Weed

It’s no secret that hip-hop and weed go together as well as chocolate and peanut butter (how good does that sound right now?). However, sometimes these efforts don’t work out as planned. Maybe the MC on the mic is too stoned, or maybe the producer got high and was well… lazy. Either way I present to you some of these follies, in order of most tolerable to most terrible. 

5. Nice &Smooth – Blunts

The group Nice & Smooth had small success in the early 90’s. They’re best known for their single “Sometimes I Rhyme Slow…” which featured the guitar hook from Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car”. The group even recorded songs with rap heavyweights such as Gang Starr and even Tupac Shakur.

The title of the song “Blunts” is blunt (har har). The song asks the question “How many blunts does my lighter light?” over… and over… and over again. There is more to this song than just the un-catchy and stupid chorus. Just two more things really – two verses. Two poorly written versus.

The first verse goes on describing the places where the MC likes to go to smoke blunts, such as New York, Atlanta, and Los Angeles. Very exotic.

The second verse improves on the lyrical content of the first, but not by much. In fact there is a line that really sticks out, “Smooth B with the Philly/ Yo G roll another one cause I’m feeling big willy”

Feeling big willy? What the fuck does that even mean?

4. Bizarre – Gospel Weed Song

Bizarre is best known as the obligatory obese rapper from the group D12, but he has also recorded several solo albums. If The Notorious B.I.G., Big Pun, and a handful of other fat rappers taught us anything, it’s that the fatter you are, the nicer you rhyme.

This unfortunately, isn’t always the case. 

Bizarre may not be awful, but his “Gospel Weed Song” certainly is.

There are plenty of things that are complementary to marijuana. Things such as BBQ flavor Frito’s twists and those totally trippy Discovery Channel documentaries with the time lapse photography of plants and animals. Unfortunately church does not go well with weed, making this song inherently stupid.

Bizarre belongs to a small demographic who is willing to state: “This rappin’ is a full time job/All I want is to smoke weed and praise God”

Jesus help you Bizarre.

3. Twiztid ft. Layzie Bone of Bone Thugs N Harmony – Hydro

Twiztid are best known as one of the bands signed under Insane Clown Posse’s Psychopathic Records.

If you aren’t familiar with Twiztid it’s probably because you don’t spend as much time studying Insane Clown Posse and juggalos as much as I do (which is certainly a good thing).

Aside from the heinous whiteboy rhyme spittin’ that Twiztid thrives off of, the production of this song is equally lame. The instrumentals sound like a mixture of a toddler strumming a sitar and an out-of-water sea lion banging its nose on an electric drum.

This pseudo-ballad to hydroponic marijuana only gets worse when Layzie Bone of Bone Thugs N Harmony rhymes on the track.

If you wanna know what a group of white trash idiots who have been up all night smoking weed and inhaling nitrous in a tent during the summer with one black guy sounds like when they rock out, listen to “Hydro”.

 2. Master P – Smoking Weed In My Cadillac

The origins of this song are disputed, but many believe it was off the original release of Tru 2 da Game by the hip-hop group Tru featuring Master P. Either way most would agree this album was released in 1997, which is tragic year for hip-hop considering the death of Biggie and the release of this song.

Say what you want about Master P, but there was a time when Master P was one of the biggest rap moguls in the game. Now he is best and most unfortunately known as the father of Lil’ Romeo. How’s that for street cred? (His real name is also Percy by the way)

Why does this song suck? Simply because the title says it all: it’s just about how Master P likes to get high in his Cadillac.

Surprisingly this song is five minutes overwhelming minutes long. That means that Master P must have used his entire knowledge of the English language to come up with more ways to say “weed”, “green”, “car windows”, and “Cadillac”. 

Master P – also master of the English language.

1. Fieldy’s Dreams – Are You Talking To Me?

There was a time when the genres of rock and hip-hop began to converge. This sounds like a good idea on paper, but Rage Against the Machine pretty much put the competition to shame.

However, there were some ambitions within the rap metal sub genre that were so baffling, so meaningless, so stupid, they are hard to overlook. Meet Fieldy’s Dreams.

Fieldy is the bass player of Korn. Can Fieldy rap? You decide.

In presumably the only song anyone’s ever heard by this guy he raps about the thing he loves most – marijuana. 

I’m not going to say much else about how this guy looks and sounds like a Marvel Comics villain, nor will I discuss his stupid hair. I’ll just leave you with these brilliant lyrics: “Any time, any place, I'll smoke a toke/ In your face, till I croak, ain't no joke”

Happy 4/20 stoners.