The REAL Best Christmas Movie of All Time

Home Alone and Home Alone 2: Lost in New York are often cited by people as their favorite Christmas movies. I hate these movies because they're about a privileged little sociopath who causes his family an eternity of grief because he won't eat anything besides cheese pizza.

I hate the whole McAllister family actually. Just look at them:

From left to right: Curley Sue, Susan Boyle, Older Pete from Pete & Pete, Cousin It, Biff from Back to the Future (right?), Some Bald Pedophile looking dude, and a bunch of other pale mutants and Macauley Culkin... disgusting.

A bunch of upper middle class brats the McAllister family was. I hope they lost all their fortunes in the recession and are forced to live on the REAL streets of New York and South Side Chicago where they're forced to join gangs and kill each other to survive. That'd be a great movie.

Anyway... The real best Christmas movie is so clearly: Jingle All the Way

"A holiday classic for the whole family to enjoy!" - Brian Lupo

Here are at least three things that Jingle All the Way has that the Home Alone movies don't have:

1) Arnold Schwarzenegger
2) Sinbad
3) Chris Parnell (small cameo as a toy store employee)

The film stars Arnold as Howard Langston, a loving, hard-working father who searches far and wide to get his son Jamie a Turboman action figure for Christmas. This film was made pre-internet, so the likelihood of Howard being able to order the toy online wasn't as feasible. As the holiday season winds down, Howard has got to get a Turboman for Jamie - but they can't seem to be found anywhere.

While scouring the Minneapolis-St. Paul metropolitan area for a Turboman doll, Howard comes in contact with the nefarious mailman Myron Larabee, played by the dynamic character actor...  Sinbad.

It's a true injustice that Sinbad was not recognized by the Academy for his groundbreaking performance.

Crazy antics ensue and Howard must seize the day by becoming Turboman at the Christmas parade and stop Myron from stealing the last available Turboman doll for Jamie.

Now let me ask you: Which movie would you rather see?

A Christmas movie about a pale little brat who terrorizes adults and doesn't think to call the airline that his parents are flying on to let them know he's safe?

or...

A Christmas movie about Arnold Schwarzenegger who goes to any odd to get his child the toy he deserves for Christmas.

Think about it. If you hate Macauley Culkin's pale shit eating face as much as I do, I know you'll make the right decision this holiday season.