New York is Always the Best

Earlier today this article was posted on Thought Catalog.

As a native New Yorker, I was offended. I grew up in Long Island, went to college upstate, and have worked in New York City. I wasn't going to let this go. So I emailed this guy:
Hey Ben,

I wanted to get in touch with you about your article in Thought Catalog regarding Hurricane Sandy. While I agree with your criticism of the media's coverage of the storm I vehemently disagree with your assessment that New York isn't more important than any other area in the world.

To say that New York is only important because "we" say it is, is like saying that Wayne Gretzy is only the greatest hockey player who ever lived because "we" say he is. Aside from not only being the largest city in the United States, the New York metropolitan area is also the largest in the country - most estimates are around 20 million. So not only is New York the largest metro area by far, it is also the home to the United Nations, eight professional sports teams, three major international airports, 13 media companies, over 30 higher education institutions, and the largest mass transit system in the world.

The reason why I offer you this quantitative data is so when you reiterate that "New York is only important because we say it is" - that won't even began to be an argument.

Additionally, your article plays on this pretentious notion that the media is only covering the "whitest areas" of Lower Manhattan and North Brooklyn (your words, not mine). If you were following any local media in New York (which includes NY1 and News 12) you'd know that there has been extreme concern and attention for those in the Rockaways, Staten Island, and the south shore of Long Island. If you were focused on anything aside from your own arrogance and excitement in writing an article disparaging New York, you wouldn't have written something so blindly untrue. I could go on about how it's extremely unlikely that Harlem's subway system will be out for weeks but I wanted to see why you would come to the conclusion that New York isn't more important as anywhere else.

I wanted to see what qualifies your opinion, and what qualifies you as a writer. I began looking at your other articles on Thought Catalog - "The Importance of Honey Boo Boo" and "A Review of My Pets" seemed enthralling, but not quite the standard I would bare to someone willing to criticize the greatest city in the world.

Hurricane Sandy devastated the Atlantic coast. It was a humbling experience that showed people two things: Nature is stronger than man, and more importantly, we're all this together.

I have the utmost sympathy for anyone who has been affected by natural disasters. Whether it's New Orleans or Jakarta, no one deserves to lose their home, livelihood, or well-being to a storm.

For you to use Hurricane Sandy as an opportunity to criticize New York is not only stupid, it's irresponsible.

Sincerely,
Brian Lupo

 If you agree that New York is the greatest city in the world, and shouldn't have to take shit after a tragedy because this guy's an idiot, tell him so! His Thought Catalog profile is here.

5 Political Facebook Posts That Need to End

As election season is rearing its ugly head, its important to remember that we're all Americans and that even though we may hate each others opinion, we can still learn to love and tolerate... actually fuck that bullshit.

This is why you're all morons.

5.) Stop Quoting the Founding Fathers

We all admire Thomas Jefferson's prose, George Washington's leadership, and Benjamin Franklin's lust for large breasted women.

"I like 'em big" - Benjamin Franklin

But there come's a time and a place for us to rationalize the context in which they lived, and realize that although they were great leaders and renaissance men, they were also slave holding womanizers.

I'm not against the Founding Fathers. I just find it hypocritical to quote their beliefs on freedom and oppression when they enslaved human beings to the point that it drove our nation into a war.

4.) Stop Talking About How You Want to Vote for a Former President

I understand that Democrats would like to see a return of Bill Clinton and that Republicans would like to see a zombie Reagan-bot rise from the ashes, but let's get real. Reagan is too busy being dead and Clinton is too busy not having sex with Hilary.

Never would I ever.

People want to reelect former presidents not because they actually want these people to hold office, they want to reelect what these presidents represent to them. Which is stupid because that's like saying you wish you could have your first grade teacher be your law school counselor.

3.) Stop Posting Infographics

I understand that bright pictures with graphs, charts, and words mean something to you, but for the rest of us they're an eyesore.

It's unbelievable some of the shit that people believe from infographics. The biggest problem with infographics is they tend to be meaningless and don't actually address important points. Some of them downright lie. For example look at this:

This graph implies many things but none of them are true, and I made all of it up just now.


2.) Stop Talking About How Bothered You Are That People Are Posting Their Opinions

"Wahhh my newsfeed is cluttered with stuff about the election :( I don't like politics because it makes me think!"

Too fucking bad basically. If I have to put up with New York Yankees bullshit every day of every baseball season of my life perhaps it couldn't hurt for people to discuss who they think is going to be the leader of our country for the next four years.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. That's fine though, go ahead post pictures with your stupid fucking significant other and the muffin you ate for breakfast. That's really beneficial for us all.

1.) Stop Saying We Have "No Choice"

This is in reference to the supporters of third party candidates out there and people who don't like either candidates. Look, I get it. We totally don't have great choices. But we have to deal with it, because these are the cards we are dealt. My sentiments can be best described using The Ice Cream Theory.

Solves all problems really.

This is how The Ice Cream Theory works.

You are going to a party with 10 people and you will all be getting ice cream. The only catch is, everyone gets the same flavor. Everybody gets one vote for the flavor they want and the flavor with the most votes wins.

4 people choose vanilla.
4 people choose chocolate.
1 person doesn't choose shit because he's too much of a douchebag to make a decision about anything in his goddamn life so he has everyone else make the decision for him (he will still complain when he doesn't get what he wants though).

So this is it - you are the tie breaking vote.

The problem? You REALLY want Cookies 'N Cream.

You've worked hard at Friendly's scooping ice cream. You know Cookies 'N Cream is clearly the best option for everyone. You know that choosing Cookies 'N Cream would make everyone happy. The only problem is that the vanilla lobby bought off the four friends voting for them and the four people choosing chocolate can't be swayed because they're in the teachers union... WHAT DO YOU DO?!

You could choose Cookies 'N Cream, allowing the party to enjoy boring, plain, fucking vanilla ice cream.

OR you could just go with chocolate. If you go with chocolate, nobody suffers through vanilla. It may not be your ideal choice, but by God, it's good for the country.

And you know what I've always said, "People who don't like chocolate ice cream... are wrong."

"Wait... are you accusing me of being vanilla ice cream? That's just racist."